Environment matters more than ever in lockdown...

Now more than ever, 

whether on lockdown or under strict measures due to corona virus, 

do we come to realise the importance of the environment we live in and the effect it has on our mental health.

 Although the term mental health, falsely, is often seen to relate to heavy psychiatric cases, it is merely our non physical wellbeing. 

Therapists and social scientist have in the past emphasised the importance of our environment and the positive and negative effects it has upon individuals. Our extended time spent at home due to the corona virus restrictions have shed light on how the environment which we live in or have created for ourselves assists us, hurts us and definitely how it is an obvious reflection of ourselves. 

                                                                                                        

The lockdown has opened the Pandora's box and a wonderful shit storm has emerged from within for so many, whether that is realising, reflecting or forcing us at last, to come face to face with our worst self, fears, decisions, failures, regrets, and anything people try to shove under the carpet and ignore. 

Everything has 'ballooned' within households and has mostly brought us against what we often avoided to come to terms with because when on lockdown, there is simply no escape and distractions are limited to minimal.

This brings me to my initial thinking of how environment matters. Never have we been forced to see the environment we live in more than in 2020. Stressful or non-escapable situations tend to put you on the spot where you have to reap what you have sawed.

So what is it that the wrong environment has done to people's lives?   

Let's say your marriage is an endless every day attempt not to kill each other but do not want to leave because you do not want to ruin what you have built. Although what you have build is already ruined and is not actually there anymore. Take away everything you do everyday and forced to be at home all the time due to the lockdown.... Guess what that environment would be like...

Now, the opposing scenario could be a loving couple where the environment at home is ever so nice, they like spending time together, do things together etc. Lockdown hits, 'yay', more time to spend together is probably a logical assumption.

In many cases the rise of violence against women has been scary, in many countries. This is more reflective of what was already there rather than was created with the lockdown. The lockdown has brought to surface every little bit of our worst selves we have tried to suppress or ignore and even hide from those closest to us.

For those living alone, it is more likely that since they are unable to take all their shit out to the people they live with,  will most likely take it out on themselves. Not because it is a difficult moment but because isolation has brought to light what each of us refused to see and deal with even if it stuff from our childhood. 

For those lucky few, this lockdown would be an opportunity to reflect, realise and use this experience to turn something so negative into a stepping stone to become better people when the time comes to be amongst others and create new relationships. 

For the unfortunate few, who are so resistant in realising their issues and weaknesses even when those little asshole issues, hit them with a bat with needles, in the face, refuse to do anything, the lockdown will take its tole and post lockdown will be like caged animals who are finally set free.

In the case of children, what can I say. 

The unfortunate ones have been locked in with parents which should have never been parents. Negligent, full of issues they refused to work on before having a family, and worst case scenarios abusive. 

This environment was already bad and now they are totally trapped as if emotional entrapment wasn't enough, physically too. 

So if children from such homes are to become violent themselves, bullies, abusers as they repeat those patterns, what will they now become having being trapped, literally, at home.

Ofcourse the other side of the coin, has been the so many parents who have said to finally have had more time to spend with their children, play with them, talk, interact, and overall spend quality time with them which they couldn't before. This has both benefit parents and children, but the good environment was existent. 

But what all of the above examples come down to is, the significance our environments has for us. 

What we do forget though is how we are the ones who build them and live within them, and how it is a reflection of who we are, both the physical and non physical space.

'It is all in your head'. Mental health: ignorance and taboo!

'It is all in your head' must be the number one response people get when expressing an anxious moment, a worry with no apparent reason or 'unreasonable' response according to others. Today, I will be voicing thoughts regarding the ignorance and taboos we meet so often in our daily life in relation to mental health.

I find these two being related, as it is so easy to maintain a culture of taboos where there is ignorance. Ignorance can be a result of lack of proper information and understanding of that information. In tackling this, as a society, it can be a step to fight the mentality of 'it is all in your head.' 

 Let’s say someone tells you they have anxiety. Anxiety has many 'faces' if you like. For instance, people with high functioning anxiety, a term widely used, refers to those who function reasonably well although suffer from anxiety. Now many, falsely mistake stress with anxiety. The difference is while stress is caused by external factors, such as work, anxiety is caused by internal such as trauma. People often consider those with anxiety 'neurotic' (a term not used medically but as an adjective), to be overreacting, attention seeking or even drama queens. Telling someone who just trusted you enough to tell you they had a panic or anxiety attack 'It's all in your head',  there is nothing wrong you or you are not hurt (physically),  not only shows how ignorant as a society we are but also how much we have failed to educate people on the subject. When we fall and hurt ourselves, most of the time the wounds are visible, a scratch, a bruise and so on. When we are emotionally hurt it is not possible to expect those wounds or traumas to be visible, although there are many cases where psychological pain, stress, trauma etc., starts appearing such as hair loss or hair turning grey, let’s say, a very common problem. 

Telling someone their panic attack is in their head, is like telling them they did not experience the discomfort or pain but they imagined it. Just because something is not caused by physical pain it does not mean it did not happen, exist or experienced. Panic attacks often include shortening of breath or feeling as if the person is having a heart attack, amongst other. Just because this is not cause by a heart attack, it does not mean it did not happen or the person did not have the symptoms, it just means they were caused by something else, something non-physical. 

Now, even though I have, met drama queens, attention seeking and hyperbolic individuals, we have failed as a society to distinguish between those individuals and those with some form of mental health issue, disorder or even syndrome whom are often characterised in the same way, simply because people are ignorant or misinformed and cannot see the difference but simply a reaction which they seem to misinterpret. Now that being said, I do strongly support attention seekers to see a therapist as to discover why they are in so much need to post so many selfies with everything hanging out.

Even though especially in the past few years, there is a more open discussion, information and acceptance on the importance of mental health, there is still a frightening trend of those who will respond with 'you are fine, you look normal.' And...there is where the problem lies. I was recently with an old friend and one of his friends and suddenly the conversation turned to this topic. When the young woman with us expressed how much it helped her going to a therapist and how she can do and say things which are normal to all of us but were hard for her, my friend's response was 'why, there is nothing wrong with you, you are normal, just as you always were.'

What followed after was a very interesting conversation which came with comments that I have heard many times from people, such as the ones mentioned above. I realised that not only as a society we have great ignorance on mental health, but also great ignorance regarding the role of therapists, not to mention the social stigma of going to one, creating so much resistance to do so, for so many.

I have often heard people say they do not trust them to do what their role indicates but upon elaborating, they seem to not understand at all what it is they are meant to do in the first place, which is not magic or solve your problems. People tend to fail to understand mental health is not the same as physical health where wounds are visible and treatment is different. Many have also difficulty accepting the term 'therapy' or 'treatment' as they feel they are not 'ill', getting hund up too much on words and less in the point.

I have also heard of people being paranoid that if they go to a therapist, he or she will place ideas in their heads and convince them of things that are not reflective of their situation (not using the word true here consciously). Although this is indeed an issue raised in the field regarding false memories brought in, in therapy and indeed has been an issue which professionals see a need in tackling, this is something common in medicine too. There are cases of being misdiagnosed for instance but this is no reason for never visiting another doctor in your life. Besides, it is not something that you are certain you will meet upon deciding to go to therapy, it is not a certainty or the rule. 

People are often reluctant to see a therapist , as they do not consider themselves 'crazy' as they often express. Not going to go into how problematic, ignorant and false that term is but will say, that if you cannot function as you should then you should treat that as any part of your body. If your arm cannot make certain movements or without hurting and it does not function properly, you would go to a doctor right? Imagine now someone telling you that you seem normal and your arm is in place and it seems to not be paralised so why do you need to see a doctor... What would your response be if your arm has not full and proper funtion without say, hurting in certain movements or no apparent wounds, bruises, scratches?

Imagine now, you have a thought or behaviour that leads to being disfunctional or problematic (not you as a person, but the behaviour itself). If for example you think everyone you meet wants to hurt you (emotionally or physically) and cannot form healthy relationships. I would say that there is something that you may need help with to understand why and hopefully solving. Now lets say, you started buying useless things and you have become a hoarder. Now we all at times buy useless things but hoarding is another thing. It does not mean you are 'crazy' as you say, but there is something that has sparked this behaviour and if you could have tackled it, you would have, therefore a therapist can give you some assist in discovering what that was and hopefully resolve the problem. 

People tend to perceive mental health to mean mental illness and often avoid seeing someone with the fear they will be called 'crazy', or worse, see themselves as such. We often do not appreciate the fact that appart from psychiatrists, we are gifted with psychologists also. The differentiation which came between the two was a very important step. 

In Lisa Appignanesi's book 'Mad, bad or sad. A history of women and the mind doctors from 1800 to the present', which I recommend by the way, we can see how women for example were seen in need of a psychiatrist and seen as 'crazy' when failing to conform or want what was considered normal at the time (like not wanting to have children). This is a perfect display of how psychology has benefited us, people, on the whole and that what is out of the norm is not necessarily an illness, recognising the uniqueness of personality. 

This I think is the biggest misconception which has been bred throughout time is that mental health is synonymous to mental illness. This for me is like having ache every time you bend your arm because you hurt it during exercise and be told you need surgery where you just need physiotherapy. 

As a society we have failed to educate people and have instead created a society where weakness is nurtured. We have gone from trying to teach respect and acceptance for what  is different or what we are not well acquainted with, to a place where any opposing or contradicting opinion is seen as a personal attack. In this respect, instead of improving things and creating an environment of understanding and not judging those brave enough to recognise a need to seek help and work out their issues, to the other extreme where we teach people they have to tiptoe around everyone. 

 On a final note. it is detrimental not only to be ignorant and have taboos in 2020 where individuals think to seek a therapist means one is 'crazy' as they put it, but it is also worrying to not even be able to understand the role and purpose of a therapist, identify the need to seek one, or to even be able to understand the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist...

Picture source:https://www.memotext.com/the-adoption-of-digital-mental-health-interventions/ 

Rambo: my plant

 

Like all living organisms, plants, have basic needs. 

At least light and water if they are amongst the easiest to maintain.

I have a story of a plant, or as it turned out some sort of vine, that has managed to not only survive, but grow by itself, for four years.

But let me start from the beginning. 

Four year ago last June, the 2nd to be precise, I made the decision to move abroad, in search of a better life. Spoiler alert, did not go as planned or hoped,  and recently returned, no further comments....

Anyway. When I left I had 3 pots with soil, the kind that are short and long and some kind of seed (which is a mystery from where it has come from or what it was of) had managed make some kind of tall, dry looking plant grow, that was nothing too impressive nor exceptionally big. 

By that, I mean there were 3 simple, thin, less than a meter tall, stick looking things coming out of the pots.

So by the time I was ready to leave, a few green leaves had made their appearance, but again, the overall picture was this uninteresting, poor looking plant or whatever it was.

Since my move, I would occasionally visit, the first year every 4 months more or less, and the next 3 years, 2-3 times a year. I would always notice the plant was not only alive, but seemed to have some green leaves growing and I would find a ton of brown ones, meaning there were more that had grown at some point.

 Now, I had left no one in charge to water it and was expecting it to  have simply, completely, die, as the only watering it received was from the rain that was not fully watering it either, as it was under a tent. Sun it would get plenty, but water was minimal, meaning it would go on for months, especially in the summer, without any water at all.

But every time I would come back it was still there. I would water it for the time I visited, but again, it would be without any water for months as I was away and it would only get some rain water occasionally. 

So July that has just passed, I decided to move back.

 It had been four full months since my last visit, and again, my vine, as it turned out to be (which I discovered with the help of a plant identifier app) was still there, with so many brown, dry leaves and a few green ones. 

I decided to look after it a little and so I tried to untangle its branches, which spread out in many different directions, each having many other little branches growing in many different directions, tie it in such a manner it would help it climb and not break, watered it and cleaned all the dead leaves.

 As it became apparent, it wanted to climb but had no proper support all these years as it was growing, so I made sure I gave it plenty of water and support.

It has been just over a month and it has started to look 'happier' and healthier. A lot of leaves have started to grow, and it has become taller than I am. Not that, that is a challenge, but in a month I would not have expected it. 

So I decided to call this plant or vine or whatever it may be Rambo.

And I started thinking, a lot....

Actually, this plant has made me reflect so much in the past month. 

Now, even though there are certain vines or plants that are quite durable, if you like, I thought, how is it possible this has survived with only occasional rain water and twice a year watering from me. Minimal care to say the least....

In a way, it made me think of people and how they can endure conditions or situations that are equally harsh. People who have no nurture or care from anyone in their life and yet manage to survive. 

People who only receive some kind of care by chance externally, not their environment, and use it to go on and survive even though they are not able to balance their lives as they stand alone.

I also thought, just like Rambo (which is thriving I am happy to say) who as soon as it received a little care, how much it responded and grew and is becoming full of life, how do people respond similarly when they receive care. 

I have only recently started growing plants, flowers and herbs, but I cannot stop thinking how similarly we, humans, respond when nurtured and loved. 

How many of you have seen yourself change when you have loved ones close to you or when you feel appreciated and wanted?

 We do  not respond much differently I think to plants and flowers, and just like they each need a certain balance or  oxygen, light and water, we, in the same way need our own special balance from our environment to grow, thrive and reach our full potential.

 We too need our light, the one we get from those who unconditionally love us and with them in our lives we are the best versions of ourselves. We do thrive with right care we get from them and we do 'get light' that brightens our days, even the most challenging and difficult ones.

      

 So.....if a plant like Rambo can survive such a harsh, love deprived, environment for such a long time, who says we cannot bear to do so, and be ready to be reborn when the time comes and, love and care, comes our way. 

And by love I mean wherever it may come from as there is no greater gift in this life than having love in our lives.

                                            

                                                                                                  

A Sunday in Ystad!

Sweden has many beautiful places you can visit. The region of Skåne, is one of them with some of the most beautiful places I have visited.
Ystad in Skåne, is a 12th century town in the south of Sweden, originally a fishing settlement. Just as the rest of Skåne, Ystad belonged to Denmark in the 14th century until 1648 where it became Swedish.
Walking the medieval centre with its cobblestone streets can take you to little corners that are fairy-tale like!
Ystad is perfect for couples and families, even for solo travelling!
Even if you are not in the mood to visit a museum, Ystad can be enjoyed simply by walking around, which was pretty much what I did.

 For travel bloggers but also for photography lovers, this is a place that can be a lot of fun as one thing this place has plenty of, is pretty spots that would even satisfy the most dedicated instagramers.

Ystad has something to offer to both those interested in history and to those who simply want to visit and walk around, to admire and discover new places. There are guided tours available but there are so many places of interest that discovering the history behind this beautiful place will not be hard. Home to the largest Scandinavian film studio, Ystad has been portrayed in film and series which is easy to understand why.

 I visited on a Sunday, where everything was closed apart from cafes and restaurants, but that was not any less fun. Do make sure if you visit on a Sunday, you go in the morning, as many cosy cafes tend to close around 4.00 pm.
Ystad's buildings are full of colour, diverting from the classic red that is common in many places in the country. What is worth mentioning, is that a trip to Ystad, can easily be paired with Åhus, as it is just under an hours drive. If there is more time in your hands or you are like me, 'town hopping' as much as possible, it is relatively close also to Lund, even Malmö although these two cities are quite large to cram into even over a weekend. If you ever need to travel back time, a trip to Skåne should do it, with Ystad, a place you must visit!

Öland: A day trip worth taking

Another beautiful, sunny day in the south of Sweden, another reason to travel! 

So, Saturday comes, and after a stressful week, I decide to visit   Öland (Oland).

Not that you need many excuses to travel in Sweden, but good weather makes it almost impossible not to take a trip, even if that is for one day!

Öland is an island, opposite Kalmar to which you can cross over the bridge by car in about 10 minutes.